Let God take the Lead
“LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.” (Jeremiah 10:23)
This has not been an easy season for me. I came into it broken, paranoid, and worried. People closest to me had a difficult time with many of the choices I chose and the way in which I conducted myself. When this season first started, I felt like God had been preparing me for all that has happened. Preparing me to take my kids and me out of the situation we were enduring. Now, with a world of forgiveness, and taking steps to mend the brokenness, forgetting what actually went on would be irresponsible. God has created his people to be smart, loving, kind, and most of all, forgiving. Forgiving was not the difficult part, but laying down boundaries, on all fronts, has been. Love is a solid word, and more than that, an action. When love goes deep, it is easy to believe that it will fix everything, but the heart is only one part of healing; logic and reasoning, residing in the soul, is the other, and that one is the one that is taking longer to heal.
When I arrived in this season, I hid. Most people had no idea where I was. Most people still may not. My personality was the most unstable that I had ever experienced, even more unstable than pregnancy hormones. Everything that I had known, for the last seven years, I believed I lost. I snapped at the smallest things, other people had to step in and take care a good amount of my duties, because I was in no state to handle them, and I am very grateful they did. A broken heart is a very ugly thing, but a betrayed soul, is worse. Everything was just so shaken up inside me, like Champaign ready to pop; I popped several times a day. During that time, I decided to join a women’s bible study at church. The study was about aligning myself with God, so that I could hear him speak, and I did hear him speak. It was around this time when the mending began. Real healing was beginning to take place, but outside voices, steered it off course. On and off course we went. Rocking and level went our moods. Strengthening and weakening went our trust, not only in our web, but in the web of others, those outside voices.
Even I realize that everyone will keep their opinion of how I should be orchestrating my life and the little things I need to be doing, but while they are right, in their own regard, they are not me, and they will never live my life. Advice is great, until it is unwelcome. The vast amount of wisdom I have gathered, has given me the capability to be aware of what I am choosing and how I am choosing to go about getting it. God has not let me go down this path without him, and I will trust God, because without God, I am lost. I will hit walls, and face roadblocks, and it will be because I am pursuing something that was not meant for me. Whereas, following, and facing those challenges, I know that God has something better in store for me. The best way to know if it is of God, is to align yourself up with his promises. He will repeat things to you, that you know you are supposed to be doing, or that you need to get away from. He may be building you up for your dream life, but if you do not allow him to take the reigns, you will never live that life. Put on your cap of courage, because God has some good things in store.
“I hear Jesus’ voice and He calls me by name and leads me out. Jesus goes before me and I follow him, for I know his voice. I will by no means follow a stranger.” (John 10:3-5)
God is not the God of tricks, though he is good at them, God is not in the business of tricking you. He is your guide, your shepherd, he will not lead you astray.
I thank you for your guidance, your courage, and your promises. You will not allow me to stay walking on a path that is not for me. No matter how much I push you away, and try to figure this maze out on my own, I know that you are alway there to cradle my fears, and to calm my mind. Though, it does take a bit of work and effort, on my side, I trust that you are leading me. Lord, I understand that some things may not be for me, so please, help me to cope. For anyone who needs your guidance, I thank you for them, for their ability to hear you call them by name, I pray that follow the path that you have laid out for them, if they stray, that they hear your voice and come back, for your promises are more valuable than gold. I thank you for your council and guidance. I lift my praises to you.
In Jesus Name, Amen.