My Heart went Stone Cold

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My Heart went Stone Cold

“I will give you new heart and put a new spirit within you. I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezek. 36:26)

In the midst of my passionate faith journey, everything went dark. My desire for living entirely for the Lord dwindled, fast. I was lost, and stuck in a rut, looking at my life in fear. However, there is a moment where this all began, or, rather, a series of moments where it all began, but the biggest one attributes to my instinct and new found knowledge of a significant change in my life; something I was hoping to hold off on until my plans were set in motion and my goals were met, but, God in all His great glory had something else up his sleeve, and now my path is headed in that direction, whether I planned it or not.

We are having our second child.

Right after I saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test, I was horrified, and yet grateful. Nonetheless, I was mad. It took me two days to tell my husband, and a little longer to tell my family, and into the second trimester, I have yet to post my adorable announcement photos for all of my friends and family to see.

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However, this is not because of anger anymore, but out of fear. Fear of not being accepted. Fear that I won’t be able to handle it. Fear of being looked down on for not yet having my bachelor’s degree or living out my dream as an accomplished children’s book  author (I published my first book last month, Childhood Memories,and my second on Monday, Monkey Games). The Devil has been attacking me in all sorts of ways to make me fearful. He has attacked my passions, my zeal for life, my family, my spirit, etc. Nevertheless, it was time to fight back. Whatever he was doing to me, he will do no more. God is in control!

No matter how good that sounds, if I am not proactive about “letting go and letting God,” then I will be “holding on and letting the Devil take control”, thus bringing me back to a stone cold heart and an angry, empty life.


Dear Lord,

Thank you for all of your blessing. Lord, I am going through a tough time again. There is a lack of trust arising again in my family. There are accusations being thrown against me and total disrespect aimed my way. I am feeling unloved, disrespected, misunderstood, and like there is a plot getting planned against me. Lord, again, I want to run from this marriage and take my babies with me, but Lord, you know that I want to trust you too much to actually go. Our two year anniversary is coming up in a few days, and I pray that you bless that day and allow us to forgive each other of our faults. Please, soften our hearts, rekindle our spirit, and be in the middle of it all. Please, help those who do not seek you, but have loved ones praying for them. Please, create in me a clean heart and and new spirit.

Dear Lord, thank you for your many wonderful blessings.

In Jesus and,


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